


Sins of the Fallen

by moose_chan



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Date Rape, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gas Lighting, Lucifer is not nice, Mental Breakdown, Mental Coercion, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self Harm, Sexual Coercion, Takes place after chapter 20, Talk of Forced Pregnancy, Thoughts of death, Threats of Gang Rape, Unreliable Narrator, Victim Blaming, non-con, notion of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24034534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moose_chan/pseuds/moose_chan
Summary: Carlota was a fool to think she could control Lucifer once she made a pact with himThis fic is a dead dove from start to finish.Read the tags, don't like the content?  Please don't read it.Triggers are marked in the tags.  Read them and please don't push forward if it will be a negative impact on your mental health.There is no traditional happy ending with this ficLucifer x MCTW: thoughts of self harm & suicide, rape/non-con, lucifer gaslighting & mentally breaking the MC to have her be convinced this is all her fault
Relationships: Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 122





	1. The Nature of Evil

**Author's Note:**

> Carlota was a fool to think she could control Lucifer once she made a pact with him
> 
> This fic is a dead dove from start to finish.
> 
> Read the tags, don't like the content? Please don't read it. 
> 
> Triggers are marked in the tags. Read them and please don't push forward if it will be a negative impact on your mental health. 
> 
> There is no traditional happy ending with this fic 
> 
> Lucifer x MC 
> 
> TW: thoughts of self harm & suicide, rape/non-con, lucifer gaslighting & mentally breaking the MC to have her be convinced this is all her fault

It was an experience Carlota hadn't realized that she had missed. The feeling of the sun on her skin. Her first morning back on Earth's plane was anticlimactic. She had dreamed about it for so long and now that it was here. It felt empty. There were no bells going off in celebration, no bits of confetti raining down on her, or cheering cries that she had defied the odds and made it. The halls of RAD had faded from view and it had been easy enough to step back into the human world that she had been whisked away from. Now she was home. Her actual home. Far away from the year in hell at the whims of demons far older and powerful than she could ever dream of. 

That Carlota had made pacts with. 

Seven marks lined the underside of her forearm, starting with Mammon's on the inner part of her left wrist and ending with Lucifer's. His red mark was angry and new, smarting on the fleshy joint of her elbow. It was easy enough to figure out that each distinct mark was their sigil, a softly spoken incantation would bring them to her side to do her bidding. The pact let her bypass the need for magical reliquaries, long drawn out processes under the correct phase of the moon, waiting for the correct stars to align in order to summon them. Their agreement to do her bidding had come at a surprise. Though, some had been tricked and coerced into agreeing - the last words spoken to her by Lucifer rang clear in her mind. 

Carlota were unsure who had tricked who when that final pact had been made. Lucifer invoked the feeling of playing with fire. No, not fire. Hell fire. It had been easy enough to stay away from him, the eldest out of the seven demon brothers. Resisting the call of the fallen angel had been tearing her into pieces over the past twelve months during her stay. Finally getting out of the house for good; putting a whole different realm of existence between the two of them let her have a bit of breathing room to think clearly on just how fortunate she was now that she was free. 

Reading as a child about Lucifer's fall was a completely different experience than gazing upon the face of God's former favorite, the strongest of the fallen Seraphim. _La genie du mal_ had only barely encapsulated his beauty. She could forgive Geefs for the failure, for he had not spent a year gazing upon Lucifer's actual face. The marble statue barely held a candle to the true beauty of the fallen angel. The bat wings Geefs had given him were a true mockery to his actual form. 

When Lucifer had first spout his rage at her, barely a week into the program she had been forced into, his biting words had fallen upon deaf ears. Carlota weren't sure what she had been expecting when his true form twisted into view in front of her. But the fallen angel was sublime in her vision. The two pairs of midnight black wings, a black so deep they absorbed the color around them, had her gaze transfixed like nothing else before. His features twisted into a stoic rage had kept her enraptured, despite the very real fear that if he touched her - he would end her fragile existence. 

It had taken all six brothers to keep him held down. To prevent him from ripping her limb from limb while he howled. In that moment she had realized just how close to death she had come. It had been over such a minor inconvenience to tip him over the edge into madness. Absolutely unwarranted for the situation. But the thought had never occurred to her that she was in danger, and why should it. Carlota were never a daredevil, an adrenaline junkie, or the type that ran towards danger - she actively did the opposite and avoided it. When push came to shove she tended to duck and cover, flight or fight was never an option, she always froze. On Earth she was safe, boring. Wake up each day, go to work, come back, watch TV, maybe a hobby - rinse repeat until death claimed her. 

Trying to make the best out of being in hell had been hard. She was terrified every morning when she woke up. Her sleep had been less than fulfilling when she tossed and turned each night. Lesser demons wanted to eat her and made constant attempts to drag her away. Then there were the stronger demons who could kill her with just their pinkie finger if they so chose. Or if they had a bad day and then she had the potential of being caught in the crossfire as collateral damage. 

So she made pacts in order to survive. 

When her time had been served and hell had spat her right back out where it had taken her from, as if nothing had happened, no time had passed. Her phone was on the bedside table charging where she had left it the night before this whole thing had begun. Time had literally frozen in place while Carlota was gone. The pacts on her arm proved it wasn't a dream. That the public water source in her city hadn't been contaminated the night before with hallucinogenic mushrooms resulting in the past year being a drug filled dream completely within her own mind. Everything had happened. But now what? 

Carlota's stomach made the choice for her, declaring that she needed to get up and make breakfast. She wasn't in the House anymore, no one was going to prepare a meal for her. 

It felt weird, foreign, to move around her kitchen again. The small space was comforting, like an old lover's familiar embrace that she could easily sink into. Carlota's movements were slow, tentative, as she began to gain confidence within her personal living space again. It had been so long.

Opening the windows had been a no brainier, the crisp summer breeze carried in the fresh morning air that had been lacking from her life. She took a moment to simply be in that space, in that moment. To let the wind dance and move loose hair across her face without stopping it.

"I'd hate to interrupt-"

Lucifer's rumbling voice broken her out of that brief chance for a daydream. What small bit of sanctuary she had managed to build around herself that morning after waking up in her own bed had shattered. Millions of broken pieces fell through her mind, jagged little corners leaving shallow cuts in their wake. 

"Hello," she manage to not sound like the cornered animal she felt akin to in that moment. She kept her movements slow, performing gradual and very telling moves as to not upset the demon behind her while she turned to face him. 

Not that it mattered, she knew not only through the pact - but because of who he was - that there was no hiding any part of herself from him. 

"Yes, hello," the human greeting sounded foreign to her when it came from his lips. It only accentuated to Carlota how very different the two of them were. No matter that he wore his human form with ease and style. His slicked back hair was firmly in place, his uniform clean and buttoned, black leather gloves snug and form fitting. He stood out like a sore thumb in her tiny kitchen, the space now borderline claustrophobic. She attempted to keep her breath even and her thoughts from spiraling.

"Why are you here," 

His eyes flashed, the dark color swallowing up the faintest hint of red that she knew was there without needing to see it. He was too far away to confirm, but the more space she kept between the two of them - the better. 

"I believe we have unfinished business, human." 

"Do we?" Carlota couldn't back up, unless she took a jump out of her fourth story apartment kitchen window. Though, a broken leg or back seemed far more preferable than whatever the fallen angel had in store. Eyeing him, she pushed that thought away. He didn't seem to be one that would let her go so easily. Maybe she could pull the others up to Earth to save her like that had for the past year. Her finger twitched at her side. Carlota watched as Lucifer zeroed in on the movement. 

"I won't let them interrupt us," his voice was low, promising more pain that it was worth. "Remember that they followed me willingly to hell. Not a foolish human that used trickery and deceit to gain their will to bend for their own selfish desires. Do not push my patience, it will only make it worse for you in the end. I have been lenient enough,"

She almost wanted to laugh, how quickly she thought she could escape this. The nightmare that she had found herself wound so tight in. The masks they wore around her, pretending that this was all done for her. Carlota knew, she knew deep down, but hadn't thought it would happen to her. She had read the stories about demons wanting to drag humans to hell, and while she hadn't been a particularly true believer - she was one now. 

It wasn't wise to laugh at this demon in particular, let alone any of them, but this one most of all. Carlota had made it an art form to perfect over the past twelve months - schooling her face into a passive mask of bland and uninterested human emotion. This allowed her thoughts to run free, though she had learned they could pick up on her erratic heartbeat and spikes to her blood pressure. Meditation seemed to do the trick, calming her breath and not letting any emotion bleed through could get Carlota through some of the worst tantrums the demons would throw. 

"Alright, what do you want,"

"I told you, before you left. Through this pact, you belong to me." 

The sigils along her skin no longer provided comfort. Instead she wanted to rip them from her skin, to dig and tear her nails across their markings in some twisted hope that the removal of them from her body would suffice to break her from their hold. Initially, it had been a drive for control, for safety, to get these marks. Now they bound her to hell for all eternity with no escape. Carlota had never been one to see evil in others, now it was all she saw. Every question, every request, every movement around her was no longer free from that taint. After her year in hell she wasn't sure if she had been willfully blind to it around her, or if part of her had become wretched and tangled that she could no longer tell the difference from right and wrong. Carlota feared her out of place human soul had been contaminated by the lingering darkness of hell. Or did being in hell simply magnify what was already there within her. 

He took a step towards her in the silence that had grown between them, a slow calculated measure that she attempted to counter. Her back pressed as hard as she could against the wall of her kitchen. The ledge of the window dug into her hip, but she didn't dare shift herself to the side. Any sort of sudden movement could trigger him from a prowling predator to a snarling demon. 

"You were made in my Father's image, but you are not he." Lucifer continued to step towards her, closing the space between the two of them. "You could not hope to attain what others have failed for centuries." 

That little flicker of hope died within Carlota, and Lucifer drank in the moment while he watched it fade from her eyes. His smirk at her pain - that was when she knew she had sealed her own damnation. 

"How great your fall has been from the pedestal you placed yourself upon," he tilted her chin up to look at him. Her eyes were already glassy, her thoughts no longer in the room with them. That million yard stare in her light blue eyes only served to agitate him. 

It had been her flight or fight, her response to his anger to freeze in place. An odd sensation settled over her mind as the facts began to come to light. Lucifer might not have been yelling outright. But she knew. She knew what was coming. Her body was useless to her now more than ever and her mind had the only hope to offer in platitude that if she offered no resistance he would be lenient on her. The memories of his violent outbreaks only solidified her fear of the unknown, the hidden dangers that lurked beneath the mask he wore. 

Lucifer had let her go, not even an hour ago. She had hoped that would mark the end of it. Her small sliver of freedom had slipped between her fingers and it was all because of her own stupid mistakes. She hadn't been smart enough, clever enough, or willing to put down her pride and go to the angels for help. The struggle to breathe overwhelmed her. Shallow panting filled her ears as her vision narrowed. Carlota knew the two angels and the sorcerer could have kept her safe, but she had wanted to do this on her own. To prove all those sneering faces wrong, the seven demons had looked down at her during the opening ceremony and she had felt so small before them. It had only served to anger her. To push her past rational thought and make such easy mistakes. 

Carlota has lost the fight within her mind. She had also hoped that if she had kept enough space between the two of them, not grown close to any of the brothers and given them any reason to follow her to Earth, she could escape and go back to her life. That if no boundaries had been crossed, no bridges built between them to hold her to them - she could be safe. 

These projections of hers had been futile. Her soul had been sold. Seven times. A vain effort wasted when she had taken it a step too far. She had been so close to being free, the night before when some foreign part of her spoke up and made a pact with Lucifer. There hadn't been a need. It hadn't even been offered or own the table as a bargaining chip. Her safety was guaranteed and she was in the last stretch - her freedom was so close, a simple night in her bed and then it was hers to grab. 

This fate was on her. Carlota knew now she had been foolish, to think that she could have seven of the strongest demons in hell at her beck and call. She had grown naive lost inside her own thoughts. Her sense of self preservation had dulled by how lax the first six had been with their sigils and pacts. They hadn't asked for anything in return, or at least, nothing of consequence. Nothing that hadn't been easily given. 

A sharp sting clawed into the back of her thoughts that suddenly grounded her so hard it hit her with a sense of vertigo as she reeled. Had all of them plotted this from the very first pact? Lucifer himself had said that his brothers had followed him to hell willingly, they had turned on their life in heaven to be cast into hell. Centuries later they still followed him. She was such a shortsighted fool to think she could be a step a head of these ancient demonic creatures.

As a fool fueled by greed for that last bite. Carlota had forgotten that Lucifer was the original. The first to fall. To rebel. To lead the upheaval in Heaven. To have the desire to be greater than God himself and rule over them all. Of course the rest of them would fall in place and listen to him. 

They hadn't asked for anything of consequence because she would be forced to pay up at a later time. 

Lucifer knew the moment she figured it out, he saw how everything clicked into place and her last defense crumbled before him. "The superior rules over the inferior, human. We had cast away our grace, not our enlightenment, when we fell." 

"What about the angels," her voice felt hollow in her own ears. To invoke them so was a final attempt to save herself. She was human; they did exist to protect her from the demons of hell. Her heart sank when she heard his answering chuckle. It sounded as if she was underwater while her eyes refused to focus on his face. It was a struggle for her to mentally function within her own mind. Her eyes were itchy and not her own in that moment. Carlota was unsure if it was Lucifer's influence or her own fear. 

"You have already given yourself to me, there is no temptation for them to save you from if you have already willingly committed it." The leather of his gloves bit into her skin when his fingers gripped her chin hard. "Why do you think I never approached you to make a pact, human?" 

"The angels had kept you from inciting me into sin," she hated how her lower jaw trembled in his hold and how the tears threatened to fall down her face when the truth was laid out before her. It was so easy to see now. But in the moment she had been blinded. Carlota had missed the trap laid out for her. 

"I no longer need to be the cause for every sin, not when you so willingly commit it on your own." He bit down on one finger of his glove and tugged it off before repeating with the other. 

His then leaned in and let his nose press against her stretched out neck. His hot breath against her skin triggered the fall of her tears. 

"Now you cry," 

Carlota did her best to not shift away from him when his tongue licked the tears from her face. 

"Such a strong human, not a tear shed while in hell. But now look at you."

The blaze of her skin was hot under his gaze, the fire of her shame strong as it grew down her neck and across her chest while the tears flowed.

"I know you are aware that we cannot physically hurt you, because of the pacts you have struck with us." His voice was soft in her ear, a gentle caress despite the implications of his words. "But we are indefinite in comparison to your short existence. When your soul passes through the gates of hell through no help of my own, that is when I will collect the payment I am owed for your hubris." A blood red claw slowly trails up each pact that had been burned into her skin until it stops on his own. He pressed down on it hard until she yelped. 

Carlota felt herself go slack, her body suddenly boneless. She didn't fall, Lucifer swiftly moved to keep her in place. A strong knee pinned between her thighs kept her from sliding down to the floor. His sharp canines bit down onto the shell of her ear. No moan escaped her, no cry passed through her lips. Her brain had numbed in fear, in rejection of what was happening. The consequences of her choices had come knocking. All earlier thoughts of death were gone, now with the realization that her death would only quicken the pain. 

Red flashes amidst the black depths of his eyes teased her, enjoying her misery as he bent down and surrounded her. A delicate fluttering of feathers brushed against her conscious, his twisted Seraphim wings curling around them and blocking off her view of the kitchen. They offered a respite to the light, the dark colored feathers brushing over her face as if to shield her from what was coming next. 

"Lucifer, don't-" 

"Satan is the one that requires consent, not me, human." His words are dark as Carlota strains weakly against him, trying to twist out of reach of his mouth as he peppered her skin with kisses. His tongue was unwelcome against her skin as it traced hidden paths across her body that was laid out before him to enjoy. "Though you already gave me your consent when you agreed to my pact." 

Carlota's answering whimper is lost on him. He doesn't care that she went limp, no more than a rag doll in his arms.

Her nightshirt offered no resistance. Her underwear was easily cast to the side. There was no preemptive fanfare or instructions to what he was about to do. It wasn't needed. She knew. She also knew that she held no power to stop him. That anything she did to fight him off of her would only make it worse when she passed over into death. He would return it to her one hundred fold. She could either suffer now, or suffer more later. Either way, it was inevitable. 

The sound of his zipper echoes in her mind, branded into her memory a sound that would never be forgotten. The hot pant of his mouth against her cheek is putrid and smells of hell. Lucifer's fingers held her hips tightly in place as he positioned himself between her legs. 

The final look in Simeon's eyes made sense before they left. Luke had been so excited that she would be called to heaven when she died, so sure that they would see each other again on that day. But Simeon knew the truth. He didn't have the heart to tell Luke he was wrong, simply nodding in agreement. That look now haunted her. How foolish she had been. 

Thinking about Simeon's sadness was easier than focusing on what was happening to her. Lucifer wasn't kind, his fingers bit into her tender skin but she couldn't get her throat to make any noise to get him to stop. 

The feeling of his tongue against her skin has her crawling rancid thoughts. It is foul and unpleasant while he thrust up into her. The kisses he laid upon her skin were a mockery. Rank and noisome, the sensation between her legs is foreign. 

"You watched me for so long with these eyes," his voice is low and dangerous, "and now you snub me," 

His tainted touch cracks against her skin, pressing against her tight. 

"Do you think I didn't know? That I was unaware of your thoughts?"

With each thrust, she wills her brain to stop. To just not respond. To stay mute. Let it go. Survive for tomorrow. 

"Should I bring my brothers up when I am done to have their turn?" His teeth sink down in a mock version of playfulness against her neck. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

The hollowness within her threatens to consume her completely. Still, she remains silent. 

"I know you would, fuck, you're so tight around me now, but the question is," he groaned and picked up his pace, "would you want them one at a time or all at once?"

Now she's thankful she hadn't had a chance to eat, because of how her stomach threatened upheaval.

"Maybe I'll keep you to myself for a bit, get you used to me for a few years before I let them have their turns with you."

His breath is soft in her ear, despite the slapping sound that echoes from his hips thrusting into hers. "There you go, I knew you'd come around. You feel so good on my cock like this. Does the thought of servicing them as well turn you on? A pathetic human as yourself, the only thing you're good for. You'd like that, being with me for a few years before you'd want to be passed around?" He picked up his pace, hard grunts fill the air. "Maybe I'll let you even pick who gets to be the father of the twisted brats we'll put in you." 

Tears spill down her face but neither one of them makes the move to wipe them away. It burns between her legs, but the way he has his hands spreading her open there is no way for her to shift. His fingers dig into the fleshy bits of her thighs as he closes in on his orgasm. 

When she slid to the ground, it doesn't register in her mind that he had finished using her body for his own gain. She'd been left there in her kitchen, the ticking of the clock above her oven her sole companion as she mindlessly watched the sun's rays move across her kitchen floor. 

Night had fallen by the time she managed to stand up. She was stiff but she forced herself upwards. Her mind was fuzzy and her thoughts were not her own. 

"Asmodeus," she pressed against the sigil to call him and did her best to not cry. 

The answering demon opened his mouth in a greeting, arriving to her call with a flourish. 

"Summon Solomon to me." She cut him off, choking him with their pact. If she heard his voice, she would shatter and it would cost her the element of surprise. She hadn't expected one of the nicest demons to be apart of the betrayal. But he hadn't come when Lucifer was with her. He too had left her in favor of his brother. All of them had. Carlota had to focus before she lost her will to fight. "Now." 

Asmodeus nodded to do what was bidden, his eyes wide while he took in her current state of madness and disarray. 

Solomon stepped through her kitchen door with little ceremony or lights to announce his presence. 

"You can go," she dismissed Asmodeus as quickly as she had called him. The less he knew, the less he could report to Lucifer. She knew he would immediately run to him and tell him what she had done. Lucifer would come for her soon. 

"Hello, Carlota," Solomon said tentatively when they were alone, slowly approaching her as if she was a wounded beast with both hands open showing they were empty. "I didn't expect to see you after parting just this morning, to what do I owe the pleasure?" 

"I want to know how you've outsmarted your pacts, but first we need to leave. Can you take us to somewhere Lucifer cannot reach?" 

"Don't you want to change first? You look like you-" Concern was written all over his face, and she would have appreciated it if the very real threat of eternal damnation wasn't looming over them both. 

"No, Solomon, we need to go," she rushed up to him, stumbling slightly on her heavy limbs. They were still tingling from the lack of blood flow from sitting in the same position for the whole day. 

The rustling of Seraphim wings announced his arrival and panic gripped her chest. She could feel his dark eyes piercing into her. Please, her mouth tried to work the words out to Solomon but she only choked on her tongue. The fear of going through what had happened this morning pressed down on her brain. Solomon didn't have the same temporary safeguard she did, if she could call it that. Lucifer would rip him to pieces and make her watch for daring to pull a stunt like what she was about to do. They needed to go. 

The man in front of her was very familiar with the true nature of demons; he didn't need to turn his head to know who was behind him or what would happen to them if they stayed any longer. 

"Alright then," he smiled brightly to Carlota, whisking them both away - the sound of Lucifer's screaming her name following her through the portal. 


	2. It's kind of fucked in a way / the devil inside my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit shorter than I'd like, but I'm writing on my phone until my computer is fixed. 
> 
> Tw: post trauma thoughts of death

Faint hints of adrenaline still licked along the endings to her nerves. The tingling sensation was akin to a live wire, a direct line that went straight to her core. It left her feeling exposed, sick and nauseous at the low current that buzzed continuously in the back of her skull. Carlotta detested the way it had her tight in its embrace. How she felt the only thing she could manage was to let the water rush over her bowed head. Her shoulders slumped uselessly against her, arms heavy and numb - almost forgotten about. Hands dangling uselessly and unmoving as she continued to simply stand still in the shower. 

Water was coming from some unseen source, pounding over her head and causing the tile underfoot to become slick as it ran down the drain. She blinked, trying to focus through the tangled mass of wet hair combined with water droplets that threatened to blind her. 

Letting her head tilt back so she could look up at the ceiling of the bathroom, she couldn't get her eyes to focus. Such a simple act that required no thought at all, but she couldn't manage even that. It was hard to remember why she even wanted her eyes to focus in the first place. Did it matter, where the water actually came from? 

Would a magician of the likes and powers of Solomon have a magical plumbing system or would he go for the mundane for the novelty of it all? 

Out of everything she could be thinking about, why was she so hyper focused on plumbing? 

It wasn't going to change her situation. 

While her brain stumbled over itself, Carlota felt herself physically sway back and forth. All the while the shower continued to run, spraying water unheeded to her predicament. 

Unable to focus on one thing, her brain scrambled from one thing to the next desperately scraping at the tendrils of thought that lingered and eluded her grasp. 

It was exhausting, mentally wearing herself out in the aftermath. Her brain was frantic to focus on a target, something, anything that would be able to center on a thing that would just force a solution to pop out of thin air. That she could just, fuck, go home and finally sleep in her own bed. 

One night of rest in the luxury of her own sheets amidst the comforting smell of her pillows. 

That's all she wanted.

But now, now, she wanted to burn that apartment down. Destroy everything she could get her hands on that held even a fragment of a memory as to what happened. 

What was done to her. 

What was taken from her. 

What about her own memories? Her own recollection that she kept under lock and key - could she burn the entirety of her brain to ash as well? 

Until there was nothing left but the blissful silence that comes with emptiness. 

It was as if she stood on the edge of a precipice - no care for her own well being. 

If she fell over the edge, okay. 

If she remained with both feet firmly planted on the ground? Okay. 

Neither option held any weight over the other. 

This numb feeling was unfamiliar and yet at the same time comforting. 

Weightlessly she had been suspended within a dark embrace of her own mind. 

Part of her knew it was denial. A rejection of a reality that in time she would need to come to terms with. But for now she could be blissfully ignorant to it all. For just a bit longer she could pretend she had some semblance of control over her life. That she had control. 

That she had a choice. 

When the water ran cold, she shivered - never thinking that magician's shower could run out of hot water. The thought snapped her out of her own desperate revere forcing her to finally move. 

One foot in front of the next. Robotic. Left. Right. Up over the lip of the tub. Set one down. Then the next to follow. Stand on the bath mat. One hand forward. Grab the towel. Dry off. One limb at a time. Don't bother with hair. Let it air dry and drip. Doesn't matter. 

Standing barefoot on the damp bath mat, she felt herself mentally staring down the barrel of her fucked up fate. A harsh dichotomy that awaited her. 

To live, give a middle finger to what the world had given her as her so called fate. 

Or to fold her cards and die. 

To suffer now or suffer later. 

Such simplicity to what was going to happen to her, a cruel and unforgiving slap. 

She expected more rage from herself when faced with such shit options. A burning fuel within herself that would want to scream, throw objects, destroy anything she could get ahold of. 

When facing such life and death matters- all there was inside her was nothing. 

A gaping charm of darkness, empty and void of everything and anything. There was a schism that had been ripped asunder within her consciousness in such a way that the edges ragged and raw, incapable of feeling anything at all. 

The mirror had been fogged from her prolonged shower, skewing her reflection into nothingness when she looked over at the vanity set up. Water droplets ran fat and heavy, leaving streaks towards the ground in their wake. While every surface in the bathroom was covered in the leftover steam from her endless shower, the neatly folder clothes on the marble countertop were dry. 

Assuming that Solomon left them for her, she held up the deceptively complex robe to her chest. It hadnt been there when she went into the shower, but she hadn't heard him enter either. Not that her brain could be counted as a reliable source of information at the moment - given that she had no idea just how much time had actually passed since she first entered the shower. 

Carlotta found him in the study. It should have been weird, wandering around his tower with no shoes, but she was just so tired - past the point of giving a fuck. 

"There you are," he unearthed himself from a small mountain of unruly scrolls to stand up and walk towards her. 

Unconsciously she ducked and flinched away from his touch, backing up to put a bit of space between them. 

Neither one of them acknowledged her backwards movement and rejection of his offered comfort. He had in the past during their time in the Devildom given her hugs - though she suspected it was more of a check in to make sure she was physically okay and not so much to be friendly. 

The calculating look in his gaze gave her prior assumption credence. He didn't look hurt or offended, simply calculating his next few steps. 

She could deal with that. 

"So what now,"

His voice was louder than she expected, causing her to jump slightly at the noise when it broke through the heavy silence that blanketed her. 

A thought that she had been hoping to use as her Hail Mary came to the surface, bubbling with a glimmer of hope. "What about the angels? Can't I go to them?" A surge of desperation washed over her, sweeping her away. "They're all about forgiveness, being reborn, I wasn't the best Christian," she grimaced but forced herself onwards, "but that whole dying for our sins, always welcoming us back no matter what, that has to count for something right?" 

Solomon was quiet during her rant, letting her get it out of her system. He didn't interrupt her, instead opting to give her a pitiful look that held only sadness and lament as he watched her mentally grasp for a lifeline. 

"They won't let you anywhere near their realm, Carlotta," 

"What, why, I was forced into the Devildom realm, why can't I go into theirs?"

He was quiet during her outburst, his look softening while he resigned himself. 

"You," he paused, "we," he corrected himself, "do not have a soul that can be forgiven. We are in their eyes no better than the demons we have made pacts with." 

"What do you-" she paused, her mouth slightly ajar when it hit her. "The price," the only thing the two of them had in common. Why they wouldn't be welcomed with open arms by the heavenly host during the second coming of Christ. "But you," she paused, her brow pinched together, "you shared a dorm with them, you went to classes with them-" 

Solomon remained silent, patiently ever more as he waited for her to come to the correct conclusion.

"Did they bully you? Give you a hard time? Why didn't you say anything to me?"

His smile didn't quite reach his eyes, instead he turned back towards his scrolls to push the conversation towards a different direction. 

"Would it have changed anything? I haven't had a soul in a very long time, I am used to such things and what others may think of me for my choices it matters not. Plus," his next words were soft, "I believe you had a much harder time than I." 

Carlotta paused. It caught her off guard, this kindness that came from the sorcerer. It was painful against the memories of the more recent events. 

"We could have stuck together," she sighed, resigning herself to her misfortune and mistakes. 

"In a way we did, and we can now. Which," he perked up a bit, that smile of his back firmly in place, "is why I am glad you are here." He tapped on the scrolls, "I'm sure you've probably by now thought about what you can do and I'm here to offer you a -" he canted his head to the side, "different perspective." 

Carlotta shrugged her shoulders but remained silent, curious as to what he could offer her that wasn't death and suffering. 

"You know they didn't teach you the complete story of magic and transmutation down at R.A.D. correct?" His fingers danced absentmindedly while he talked against the brittle scroll. "It would be most inopportune for them, to give such knowledge to us humans. Especially wiley ones like ourselves," he playfully winked, "for free." Solomon walked around the pile with care, moving a few tomes around before he found what he was looking for. "I'm offering you a trade. Unlimited access to my knowledge on the arcane for use of your pact with Lucifer."

Carlotta remained impassive. Finally glad she could have one hell of a poker face. He had shown his hand, and he was right, they could help each other. But she knew how badly he wanted that pact. He also knew how badly she wanted to live. 

Choosing her words carefully, she picked over them and spoke slowly. Her mind had been made up the moment she called out for him, she knew what she would do. Standing in his study she realized how he was managing to slip elusively out of the grasp of the demons he had made pacts with centuries ago. One did not have to give up their soul to the demon if they never died. It made it rather simple for her for what she had to do. She simply had to continue bargaining to get there. 

"How many years,"

"Five hundred," he stated flatly, slightly let down she was cutting right to business instead of kissing his ass with gratitude. 

"No." She responded just as lively. "Ten years," she countered before he could speak, holding up her finger. "With fifty chances to renew the contract. If I'm not satisfied with what I'm learning, our deal is off at the end of that current ten year stint. No buts." She said firmly, feeling the most alive and herself she had in the past year. "You are not offering me a guarantee, so why should I do that for you?" She eyes him up and down, "I know how badly you want a pact with Lucifer, if you let me die now," she batted her eyelashes and spoke in a fake voice, "how long has it been since he made one with a human?" 

They both knew damn well how long it had been - and that last retort got him to smile, a true businessman through and through. "I always did like you. But you're right, I'm not offering a guarantee, simply access to my library and my studies. If you had taken the first deal," he shook his head with a fake sadness, "I would have taught you myself, but since we're bargaining- my time is worth more than that, so you can learn on your own and from my assistant should you have any questions." 

The two of them stood across from each other and mirrored the other's pained smile. They were far too alike and that knowledge grated against their nerves. 

There was a flash of blue, then a cheerful wave from the sorcerer. 

"My assistant will be around to check in on you, do take care, I'll drop you a note when I want to utilize the pact for -" he opened the door and stepped back with a wide and painfully fake smile. "Ah, hello Lucifer. What brings you to my doorstep?"

Carlotta hadn't realized that Solomon's doors were portals and interconnected. For a brief moment she thought the demon was inside the tower and it took a strain on her body to not physically throw herself towards the window in an attempt to flee. 

"Don't play coy with me, you useless fly. Give me what is mine. I know you're hiding her in there. I will tear this tower down brick by brick if I must. Do not force my hand, worthless human."

Lucifer snarled, his black hair disheveled and hanging wild down onto his face. It only added to the feral look that was twisting his features into a snarl as he spoke. His clawed fingers dug into the mortar of the brick archway to the tower while he fought against the bindings that held him out and denied him entrance. 

"I don't believe that's how a pact works, Lucifer. You are hers until her-"

"Do not lecture me on the ways of magic, you worthless waste of air," Lucifer snapped and hissed as he lunged against the barrier. 

Solomon only tutted, his head shaking side to side which only further angered the first born. "Now now, there's no need for name calling. You know I can't let you in, who knows what you'll do to my research. Then your dreadful brothers will come traipsing through and make a right mess, which I just can't have." 

He seemingly pulled a cloak out of thin air and twirled it around his shoulders in a flair for vanity. "Now, if you don't mind, I have matters to attend to. Carlotta? Repeat after me," 

Lucifer howled attempting to drown out the ancient words as Solomon spoke, but the sorcerer simply turned his back to the demon and spoke firmly so that Carlotta could recite the incantation. 

After banishing Lucifer, Solomon smiled as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened - all the while Carlotta felt as if her heart was about to give out. 

"Study hard, alright?" 

She could only nod, her stomach rolling and her brain racing with the knowledge of what she had just done to her assailant.

**Author's Note:**

> [It's safe to say I in no way condone Lucifer's actions](https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline)
> 
> [This is more cathartic for myself](https://www.thehotline.org/help/)


End file.
